Born into attitude
Asleep at the wheel
Throw all your bullets in the fire
And run like hell
What is the fever?
What ever happened to sweat?

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

today is a great day!!

now can call it my car le =)

and so happy for dear for getting an earlier test date! hee. was too eager to get the car but i know u are really v happy hee.

next time we can drive out tog!!

=)

losing the drive these days. keep postponing of test isnt doing anythg gd.. inevitably adding more stress.. i want go play!! go swim or run..

bleh..

so much to do yet im not doing

girl, you gotta have attitude
9:11:00 PM

Monday, January 29, 2007

girl. be more proactive in ur life!

well.. somehow at this pt of time.. im quite alright with the course leh. haha i mean its not as dreadful somehow.. and i just feel i can just get thru the other 2 yrs.. hmm. so not really thinking of a switch now. nv know when i'll change again haha

but gotta say.. must lead a more balanced lifestyle.. n try not to let my body get stressed up. tho i may not be extremely stress.. but i guess my immune system gets weak when im stressed.. hmmm..

gonna remind myself this. i really wanna meet up with nai niang, mama and suz!! (brother i meet u every week anw hee) guess i must plan to include u all into my life! i must admit we stay quite far away (tho singapore isnt very big) we dont just meet up as and when we feel like it. tampines, jurong west, orchard, bukit timah. nowhere is near to my place.. BUT after thursday i must must must make it a point to go meet u all.. cuz i just miss u all soooooo much!!! n brother.. we'll go shopping tog!!

i shall really make myself happy with whatever resources i have. gonna love the car soooo sooooo much!! i think my life this yr is getting better =)

dear dear.. i guess our lives are improving ever since we got tog.. so honoured that u've changed so much. haha. but its good for u k! yesterday was a good lesson for us =) i feel so xiao nu ren.. but i guess thats what makes the whole r'ship work out. was reading some blogs and reflecting.. and i feel that sometimes when u finally have the courage to let go (and the courage to accept).. you will be able to find your true happiness. haha. na de qi fang de xia. but i guess u really changed me. now that wo na qi jiu bu xiang zai fang xia.

in case people dunno who i'm attached to

Labels: emotional

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:13:00 PM

Saturday, January 27, 2007

finally hope of recovering!

down with stomach flu since wed. 1st visit to the doc he said i will recover in 2 days (in time for prac test!) but yesterday was the 3rd day n there wasnt any significant improvement. persistent gastric pain. at least could stay awake for a longer time. was a wonder how i could sleep the entire wed n thurs other than mealtimes. slept like 20hrs a day. and i could still sleep yesterday..

i never thought she would be so nasty. for all the respect i have for her and taking her advices to heart. putting in more effort to prepare for my papers. at least results shown that the papers i took in week14 had some significant improvements in grades. i wonder if all healthcare professionals go thru communications module. dont even show a least bit of empathy at all. just go on and on shooting about her own views and assumptions. must have been the most unlucky soul in school to have to survive with someone who has prejudice against me for 3 yrs. play politics loh.

it might really be the bei3 feng1 (north wind) that cause me to leng3 dao4 (catch a cold) according to mummy.. or staying up super late on tues night. why dont i do my clinical diary early in the morn.. or the days b4.. all because i was preparing for the prac test. i wanted to be more prepared to tap on the revision sessions my classmates are having together.. and all i get was words piercing deep into my heart. a cold blooded creature trying to draw assumptions and come up with a wonderful drama trying to once again put me right at the bottom.. after all my effort trying to make thgs better she just wanted to let the whole department know that im beyond hope and spoil my name once again.

if not for those deeply rooted values from NY.. i really can never understand why students have to suffer under authority. is there ever letter of complaints from students talking about " i am very disturbed by the behaviour of your staff with regards to this matter". "i am expecting an apology from your staff with regards to her disrespectful behaviour". i bet never. and they can kick up big fuss over students who appear to them as being rude (note how subjective it is) and demand for an apology. now u know why students dont excel.

im gonna fly away soon eating PLAIN porridge/bee hoon/macaroni/mee sua. maybe i shld be thankful that i have nasty pple to spice up my life a little.. hmm

im going for international buffet when i recover!!!

Labels: school

girl, you gotta have attitude
12:44:00 PM

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

the aust plan is confirm off.. cuz the loan is approved and we got the COE already.. hope it'll be out by AGS since mummy say most prob next week

so i guess i'll just find all means to go thru another 2 yrs.. this may just be the worst of my entire life.. but its still part of my life..

maybe i can start to make plans for after my diploma instead..

and i wont have time to fly to aust to enjoy with suz cuz we've vowed to dedicate ALL our 2nd and 3rd year breaks to attachments (and research i guess)

oh well

i really really wanna wear nice nice and hold those executive positions.... haix. never in my months of study can i imagine myself as an OT...

maybe laogong will fulfill my wish in the future haha!

on the side to comfort myself.. if i dont spend the bomb studying in aust.. then im not obliged to go out to work in the future!

i want part time job after 26 feb!! something that can enrich my life. heh.. i really DYING to go work.. almost anythg other than helping out at hospital will excite me manx

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:58:00 PM

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

happy birthday suz! really nice meeting up with u gals!! somehow i forgot all abt the misery of school and all. back to the old days.. really really miss spending time in sch with suz!! almost spent my entire sec 3 and 4 with u.. sitting in the same classroom.. going for recess tog.. staying back after school tog.. going for training tog.. doing everythg tog.. still can recall how i felt when u went for ur events during nats and not come to school..

i never had the courage to wanna go overseas to do my entire degree course.. and also the cost.. thinking abt 20K a year = half a car is really discouraging.. but the moment u say u wanna go aust to do hospitality.. i really feel the urge that i wanna go with u!! back to the old days of spending the entire day tog.. eating tog.. studying tog.. going for pampering sessions tog.. go run tog!! i really really miss having a really close pal going thru school days tog..

not that now i got no frens in poly.. but i realise most of us are facing the same prob in tertiary education.. issit a post JC thing? we dont have frens who will do everythg with u tog.. or issit cuz we went thru so much tog in the track team.. i really cant find the prob and the solution to it. i've tried very hard this semester.. its already week 14.. i begin to think i cant find anymore...

suddenly it sounds really lonely.. but i really yearn to have someone who studies the exact same thing as me and we can really study tog.. as in go to class tog, do assignments tog, discuss sch work tog, then destress tog! i realise ive been having that in the past yrs..

whether to spend 10k on a diploma that i dread to study or spend 100k studying something i believe i would enjoy more. at least i have true 100% company..

i know these days have been stressful.. seeing pple breakdown.. i know dear u are stressed with ur own ICA also.. our timetables are different.. the modules are like totally different.. the only motivating thing is to meet during lunch and after school.. but it hasnt been very possible these days..

it really hurts to come back to a house thats so cold.. mum either throwing temper or ignoring me.. i get troubled over some trivial thgs like error in my debit card charges.. i just feel so helpless.. having so long days in school.. i really dunno when i can just sit down and study for all my tests.. i cant study at home in the evening.. but i cant be staying back in school alone till late.. everytime i try to talk to u about my problems it never turn out the way its supposed to be. either its when u are very tired.. u're not feeling good or whatsoever..

i can only hide in my room.. have my pooh head by my side.. i can only cry to relieve the stress and anxiety in me..

i really wanna run away from this cold cold house.. run away from the all the school work.. and the expectations from attachments.. i miss minds and kingslin..

girl, you gotta have attitude
11:30:00 PM

i think im gonna die of stress first before you..

force myself to wake up early in the morning so that i can try to do more thgs since im never gonna finish all the shit load of work. feeling so sleepy and tries to rush myself so that daddy wont be late.. cant figure out what to wear cuz dowan to look sloppy and dont wanna wear black for test.. and the next thing i know is that my drawer is getting more n more empty.. the 3 sb that i wore 1 week ago were all not there.. a bit riduculous la rain until clothes cannot dry even after 1 week?!?

and there you are so helpful.. just trying to ask u then the 1st thg u do is to throw temper at me.. why do i have to go thru so much stress in school.. all because to get that useless piece of paper to make u happy.. i can just lead a happy and fulfilling life doing something more enjoyable and less straining on my mental and physical health.. came home earlier cuz u dont like me to stay out late.. and all i get was you not talking to me and giving me attitude just cuz i changed my mind to have dinner at home

6.30am and u are putting me thru so much torture.. all alone in the freaking room.. nobody i can talk to.. nobody who will understand this pain that im going thru.. theres no way u can control such impulses.. but i still am not able to just not take it to heart.. its really killing me early in the morning...

im really very very drained......

caregiver stress

even if hugging baby can make me feel less tense.. he still wont talk to me....

cheer up!!

girl, you gotta have attitude
6:34:00 AM

Sunday, January 14, 2007

wow everyone is like blogging abt the class outing!! haha. it's really nice that we can meet up tog again! thanks alot to vicki and all who took the effort to organise. and also all who turned up!! really appreciate it! maybe we can have chalet again. haha. was kinda nice tho we were kinda reluctant to go for baba's chalet that time.. actually was kinda awkward initially when i went there.. was late.. and somehow i think the prev time the class met was during release of results.. and the whole feeling was so different.. just felt like i couldnt talk to anyone.. but well. im really glad yesterday it somehow broke the ice.. and thanks to gaigai who talked to me and calmed me down haha!

it makes me wonder who has been reading my blog all these while.. hahaa. cuz some pple just dont tag..

gonna be a busy week again next week. last week was really a test of endurance having such long days in sch.. this week i guess gotta make gd use of time to do 1001 things. cant get down to studying during weekends =( somehow its just the habit.. so gotta force myself to study more during the weekday! always hoping that we could spend more time studying tog.. but somehow it didnt work out haha. i think having the idea of a roomie is sweeet... hmm.

this weekend was great! haha. yesterday was like gathering.. then had a great dinner! haha. i dunno why somehow it just feel great. at least recently ur mum talk to me more.. dont find her so scary le haha. such a big family having dinner tog is nice~~ somehow as i wanted to add photos to my frenster.. i really dunno wad to add.. still feel a little inappropriate putting our photo there.. and i dont seem to have anythg else to put..

2dae finally get to sleeeeep.. after the whole week. wake up already haven finish eating lunch they bugging me to play mahjong le.. haha. as usual korkor gf came over.. then we just entertain mummy.. guess our family is closer to da jiu family cos of the matchmake.. hee. finally my hse got little kids running ard and having a big family gathering during sunday.. nice!!!

such a family-ish weekend! and tues gotta celebrate da-jie-da suz bdae! hahaa... i guess onli the 8 of us bdae gathering will there be pple who are having exams who will still come! *sweet*

must do better this time for anat prac physio prac n research mtds!!! its my fav MCQs must must score.. onli my 'minors' can get like Bs that kind.. anat prac got my fav histology slides!! must must get more marks.. and physio... hmmm.. force myself to read laaaa.. cannot fail anymore. so yep. these are some pointers pple who are reading my blog can remind me of when u see me! haha. and AGS!!!!! i wannaa goooooo


-----------------------------------------------

somehow everytime when u are out and im alone at home.. will miss u alot.. like keep wanting u to be by my side all the time.. u're really like a part of my life..

feeling pohsiew-ish now.. haha! really no other words to describe le..

really touched when u told me how much u've changed.. i guess i've changed too =) becoming more and more xiao nu ren.. trying to grow out of the da xiao jie too!! i dont throw temper so easily too..

i never have to peel my prawns.. never hafta peel crab.. i get chicken wings w/o bone.. i never have to travel home myself, go for ballet myself.. i get to lie on ur shoulder to sleep even if it means you cant turn your head after that..

i drink fell in love with coke and F&N grape cos of you. i stop eating goreng pisang cos of you..

like how en en stop eating mosquito and eat fruits cos of kong kong

just love the smell of your jacket.. love seeing you smile.. hearing you laugh

so in love with you =)

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:22:00 PM

Sunday, January 07, 2007

im happy today! hee.. maybe cos of my long awaited pooh cushion! love it loads man.. (love u more dont worry) really so nice to hug loh.. hee. got quite a big reaction when i carried it down the car just now. lalaaala.. so pampered!!

hope bong is happy having transport 2dae.. but i must say 2dae nv really drive properly.. quite impatient driving today dunno why. hmm.. and maybe cuz keep travelling v far so drive v fast haha. wah nai niang we xin ling xiang tong loh. just at this moment u sms me. haha!

we shall all meet up soon!! i miss mama also. nice staying over at all ur hse loh haha! so cozy n lotsa space to put mattress lol. must have more stayover!!! haha. cuz i can only stayover at limited places..

feeling a little blue abt going back to sch.. but i guess i shall be more motivated in studying..

START EARLY
PHYSIO - ITS 12 DAYS AWAY.
ANAT - AGS!!! WANNA GO MUST FASTER STUDY

set the momentum.. sem exam coming up SOOON......

girl, you gotta have attitude
11:08:00 PM

ballet with brother yesterday was nice! somehow it was quite enjoyable and not so stressful.. but got new exercise to try to get it.. cant coordinate very well. thanks brother for accompanying me at btp! haha. was nice choosing the shades. wore it almost the whole afternoon today. and chatting abt clothes was exciting. hee. its good to shop at popular to destress during school days

must admit i kinda miss the ve times. kinda enjoyed talking to him.. i mean i have always liked talking to him.. i know u dont feel gd abt it.. really dunno if u will get it and how to explain to u. but im still thankful that u are so understanding towards me hee!

well im happy being attached.. but theres still this playful side of me.. issit time that i learn to settle down.. or can i still have a little fun time..

dunno how to talk to u about this.. haha. and i dunno to feel happy or sad to be able to attend the concert just now.. but i just accompanied you =)

girl, you gotta have attitude
12:37:00 AM

Thursday, January 04, 2007

its getting worse each day.. just the 2nd day of sch

perhaps its the pressing deadlines and overly enjoyed term break. just felt all the load pressing on me. really just wanna have a good sleep.. but still lots of thgs undone.

how can i get back into how i used to be. waking up early for school.. attending sch on time everyday. getting past each day always so carefree. stress is easily overcome and forgotten.

is it due to the lifestyle i lead in 2006. started the year with the most slack part time job ever. continued with networking lifestyle for the 2nd and 3rd quarter of the year. enjoying campanionship for the last. somehow working was much more relaxed. since it was just mere office job that has no overtime or any stress to be brought home. networking. meeting people, talking to people. waking up late staying up late. enjoying the friendship. grow each time im faced with challenges. am i really so like sis. cant get down to study. but how hard u ask me to work im fine.

has been almost 9 months. am i not accustomed to the poly lifestyle?

why can i wake up at 5+ everday in the past. and now that i can sleep later, i feel much more tired.

i really wish to run. run away from the hurtful reality. i miss training. no matter how tough it was. its enjoyable. and i never felt tired after that. yet now im not even doing anythg physically strainous. its like killing me. taking all my energy away. as i step on the track today. as i past the starting line. the 400m start. i really want to be in my spikes again. run as fast as i could. away from everything. indulge in the world of joy. of dreams. of laughter.

brother i wanted to talk to u. but i dunno what to say and how to say. i havent paid ballet fees. theres no commitment.. i know its my childhood dream. its the thing im dying to do in my life. but now as i think of the class tmr. its like a burden. syllabus class is a stress. i know the foundations are important. its really tiring everytime after the whole week of school.. going there trying to remember the exercises. concentrating hard on getting the footline, the posture.. and everything. i dunno how far i will go. when im in my 20s still going for exams?? or just at least passing one grade. i dunno if transferring to adult ballet is an alternative. i doubt it will help much. kinda at a loss. i dont wanna end it just after 3 mths.

i really dunno who will understand this exact feeling. i really dunno who to talk to. i know dear u are always there for me. and whenever u are by my side i just feel better. but all im doing is just to forget about everything. just escape from the reality. just get some comfort leaning against you and not have to think abt anythg. cos i know you will help me solve my problems. you will protect me from getting hurt. you will just assure me that nothing is gonna come crushing on me. but the moment im home. you are not physically here.. i feel so small.. so weak.

i really just want some time for myself. i really dunno what to do to make me feel better. trying out some therapy for myself..

i still gotta do what i need to do..

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:08:00 PM

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