Born into attitude
Asleep at the wheel
Throw all your bullets in the fire
And run like hell
What is the fever?
What ever happened to sweat?

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

jieru is crazy

1st she doesnt wanna go to sch.

then its finally the hols.

and shes going to sch tmr.





haha. to smu to crash lecture... erm...

weird.

but its always gd to learn new thgs n get to know new frens heh

girl, you gotta have attitude
2:26:00 AM

Monday, August 28, 2006

im sooo dead.. i just cant stop spending money.

no matter how much i save.. i spend them..

considering my record of spending 1.2k in 1 mth on shopping before i start my part time job of 1.2k/mth after A levels. fantastic

and im gonna have more than enuff long sleeve blouse for the week... madness

shopping spree 2dae. i cant stop buying dresses. but logic tells me to get maximum 1 at a time since i have like 10 dresses n may not even wear one in a mth at times. im just in love with dresses. maybe i can do some loaning of dresses service.. hmm. pls take gd care of my prom dress. really wanna grow fatter to look nicer in that. blehx

its the time again. when u go anywhere u can find nice clothes. that suits u. and u cant stop buying. i think esp after exams. theres just this curse? hah

and theres this shop in heeren called VALERIE.. with loads of nice dresses. cuz they are really special!!! oh my so in love with them. those victorian style one.. lovely. and at below ave pricing for those kinda dress loh.. arghx

but since i already got a dress from mphosis earlier on. i shant buy animore dress for the time being. but i really love the one at valerie.. omg. really special n those with a thick belt at really ur waist n with really pretty flare. arghx. brother!!!! i really want to bring u there manx!

anw. i was quite obsessed with polka dots today. esp those really nice ones at mphosis. just the right size. then when i went to other shops like pepperplus i was attracted to the polka dots too. but i ended up buying plain tops which ive been bioing for nice ones.. hehe. cuz one polka dot piece is enuff for a day. lovely dress! thanks zq for the help in my decision making process! heh

and not forgetting my fav osmose. supposed to go try the black skirt. then i itchy fingers take a blouse to go along with it. so end up the skirt didnt suit me. and i fell sooooo in love with the top. so that becomes my 3rd striped osmose blouse and cause my long sleeve collared to add up to a grand total of 8 pieces. fantastic. i dont even know how im bringing home those i tailormade.

i need someone to stop me from shopping.

why do i buy so many party dress when i dont go party.. i also dunno. i just love them.

i still want to buy cufflinks and pointees.

kinda wish my bdae is like in sept la. haha.

if u're not gonna learn how to save u will nv have anythg left =(

or maybe its just sth the heart lacks. so it seeks for comfort thru retail therapy.

anw eye candy jiu shi eye candy. after like ages. 2dae as i saw him. the feeling still came back! haha. like u see one guy after another pass u and u see HIM! and u just wanna smile yet u dowan to smile cuz u dunno him mah. n b4 u could react he walked past u. and u cant help but turn back few sec later. but also dunno where is he. then u just cant stop smiling to urself. heart is like jumping all ard. wanting to tell someone abt it. haha. yet i didnt have anyone with me. yes i saw my official jc eye candy. HAHA.

i must get to know him someday.

and im still trying to suppress the feeling of wanting to see the someone. sianed.

singlehood. back to the hua chi days. was just reading thru my frenster testimonial yest haha.

ok la end of my 38 session. oh well. last few days of the mth. can u just be more objective oriented girl. whats with all the shopping n nonsense. can u just stay focused for the last 4 days..

wheres all the desire b4 the end of exams!!!

girl, you gotta have attitude
12:09:00 AM

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Chinese Bamboo Tree

You take a seed,plant it,water it and fertilise it for the whole year,and nothing happens.

The second year you water it and fertilise it and nothing happens.

The third year you water it and fertilise it and nothing happens. How discouraging this becomes!

The fourth year you water it and fertilise it, and nothing happens. This is very frustrating.

The fifth year you continue to water and fertilise the seed and then.. take note. Sometime during the fifth year, the chinese bamboo tree sprouts and grows NINETY FEET IN SIX WEEKS!

Life is much akin to the growing process of the chinese bamboo tree. It is often discouraging. We seemingly do things right, and nothing happens.

But for those who do things right and are not discouraged and persistent, things will happen.Finally we begin to receive the rewards.

girl, you gotta have attitude
12:59:00 AM

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

nice to be back to sch 2dae

feel loved. haha.

thanks to the wonderful classmates =)



1 step closer to the day.. excited abt it! FULL TIME~

girl, you gotta have attitude
7:50:00 PM

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

from gaigai "i guess u haf a very clear picture of wat u wanna do alrdy so no matter what i say wun change ur mind given ur character"

haha thats so me! kinda like it n hate it. im learning to listen to pple despite my strong character. true enuff. thgs that i've decided its hard to change me. but im now different. im more open to pple's opinion. learning to see thgs in other perspective. opening me up to different alternatives.

stuff that i need to learn n i want to learn.

thanks pple for being there for me when im pulling thru this tough time =)

happy birthday to huiYU and YUlin~ hehe

girl, you gotta have attitude
3:56:00 PM

Monday, August 21, 2006

blogging back to gaigai. haha seems like wad we used to do in happy times of the past! talking to each other on our blogs

dunno if u know it. i used to like psyc when i was younger. but knowing that i have to study 6 yrs to practise as a psychologist, i gave up the idea almost immediately. so i settled for sth i believe better.. OT.

n i have to clarify. i cant pull thru the course for 1 yr cuz of the tuition grant. moe rule. if i complete 1 yr i will not be able to apply for the grant if i were to return to studying next time. sth lidat

anw girl thanks alot for the entry! ok lah i've kinda straightened out my thoughts le. hehe

i may be halfway thru what it takes to go on as a OT.

but im kinda halfway thru my career.. thats the diff.. a career i nv want to give up. an opportunity i nv want to let go off. though i know alot dunno wad im doing also. after thurs i can share with u all.. if u all wanna find out.

anw. thurs is not the ultimate end cuz i pushed back my anat.

thinking back know wads my true childhood dream? to be a dancer. n a professional one who dance for living. and since i was so young.. i onli planned to work as those background dancer at TCS~ or was it still SBC.. hmm

haha

girl, you gotta have attitude
11:20:00 PM

its good talking to pple!

talked to mr kit for advices. someone to guide me so that i wont make silly decisions.

spoked to dr uma and hua beng. opens me up and at least i have a better pic now.

talked to bro. saw his true self n capability. truly respect him. younger than me yet can be so zai.

thanks alot to val for calling! dr uma asked me who called me 2dae. n only u did. truly touched by all the small acts u did. frm accompanying me to places in sch to get thgs done, look for tchers, call me to tell me abt the physio mcq, show me the concern when im always unwell haha. yep thanks alot for being such a great fren gal =)

seriously i never did my part to spend more time with classmates. to ask them things when im unclear. perhaps i did. but not enough. getting myself so detached n so lost in sch haha. i guess i better start asking for physio. yep im at least gonna complete the rest of the papers. hope can take sub paper for anat n pass it. then after that can consider how to get an excuse for deferment. somehow after the talk with hua beng i really dont want to give up on this truly wonderful course. yes i love the course. tho i hate studying it. haha. hopefully by the time i return i will be ready to settle down to love studying it.

silly girl just cant lie. haha. pros n cons.

somehow according to dr uma, loss of emotional attachment affects me subconsciously as well.

im still emotional. always lose my composure when pple talk abt thgs close to my heart. simply just by mentioning abt my family. hmm. weird rxn.

anw daddy talked alot to me 2dae. gotta say i really love him! pls remind me i have a great dad who can talk to me n teach me alot abt life. someone i truly respect!

bleh n he reminded me of the promise that studies will take priority n i will quit if i dont achieve gd results. heck. im gonna push it! haha. desire.

girl, you gotta have attitude
9:52:00 PM

i guess its obvious. no matter how indirect i tried to say. i guess everyone could feel it.

yes i dont have the heart to study.

as simple as that.

cousin trying to talk sense into me. the heart just closes to all advices. din even bother finding out wad hes saying when i dont understand. but ya. i knew it. i didnt even have the courage to tell them what i want in life. but they know it well enuff wad is it that i want. n i know it well enuff how much my dad is giving me n all. i couldnt control my emotions at all. everytime i hear him say the same thgs i just kept quiet n cried. nth can come out of me.

its not pre exams stress. its just dont have the heart to study at all. studying to please my parents. yet i dont have the courage to tell them i dont want to study. i dont dare to tell them wad i truly want..

yes the younger generation understands. they know how im feeling. how when u step out into the society u dont want to return to monotonous studying. how as a student u yearn to be out there.

am i too naive. thinking that i will be able to survive in the future. but i really can see it. see everything coming into place. its like never will there be a chance it will fail.

its not that im a loser. that i cannot take hardship or obstacles. not able to conquer just one simple exams. but its just that even if i lie to myself n go thru this. will i go thru the rest of the semester. will i just pull thru the 3 yrs.

if not for the 10k grant from the government. i wouldnt be feeling so terrible. can i just repeat next yr if i still want.

i nv liked studying. im really thankful that i am able to make it thru so many yrs of education. believe it or not. i just cannot get down to studying. the thgs i know are based on wad i absorbed during lects or wad pple crash course me. or unless i truly have the interest to read up n learn abt it. simply since i slpt or stoned thru most physio lect except the one he taught abt Ca++

managed to scrap thru A's. simply cuz there was someone who was studying with me. i was enjoying the time spent with him. not time spent studying. i studied wad i feel was easy.. like maths C n physics.. n easier part of chem. cuz basically i dont have to study very hard n i still know how to do. or i choose the lazy way out. read the answers in tys. n yes i know how to answer exams qns cuz of that.

theres no easy way out this time. seriously for psyc n socio the notes are so nicely formatted i can read them n absorb cuz its just the basics. easy to understand. anat n physio. i basically dont even know what the notes are talking abt. like some random pts here n there. so wads the pt if i can do my psyc n socio modules n flunk my core modules.

know whats going thru my mind now.

not turning up for anat paper tmr. go talk to uma for some counselling session after that. if i decide to continue go get mc n go for sub.

n after that then decide if i want to take the rest of the papers.

if only i can like submit letter to defer like tmr..

going back to the core. 1st day of sch uma asked us. why we chose OT. i said cuz i enjoy working with pple and helping pple. passion lies in that. so what am i doing today? yes im working with pple n helping pple. am i practising as an OT? no. so is OT the only profession that i can do what i want? no.

i love the end result. but i hate the process i have to go thru if i choose this course. i hate studying it.

whereas for the other alternative. i love the end result. i love the process. yes i will face ALOT of rejection. yes pple are more unpredictable than a silly exam paper. but i love it.

am i able to tell all these to pple. or am i just able to tell it to a silly computer.

girl, you gotta have attitude
12:02:00 AM

Sunday, August 20, 2006

be proactive!

who cares if im smiling to the com. haha.

just do it~

girl, you gotta have attitude
3:13:00 AM

still not studying. n note the time now. not sleeping either.

somehow got the dont-feel-good feeling in me. n started roaming frenster. updated my photos, profile.. n surfing my frens' pages.

spent loads of hours online.

at least feeling better now

somehow the heart needs a place to be. has been roaming ard. it sucks. swayed at times. which isnt supposed to be the case. gotta get that dumb idea out of ur head.

had a nightmare this afternoon. its not exactly that scary. but the idea that i was supposed to be pregnant yet i was having period n pple telling me no im not pregnant. somehow turned out v scary. well somehow i could feel it. the little bulge at ur tummy and u can feel the life inside u. hmm.. i guess im weird to have such dreams haha. at least 6 yrs later. still a long long long way. haha

sometimes i really wanna talk to someone. one of those guys whom i can really talk to n maybe whine a little. get pampered a little.

the feeling sucks. subconsciously someone will just come to ur mind. going back to the familiar place u look out for him. yet when u see him u act like u didnt. u just wish he can talk to u.

u'll be fine.

girl, you gotta have attitude
2:22:00 AM

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

nus has defensive tactics against sexual assualt workshop.. interesting

girl, you gotta have attitude
11:13:00 PM

1st paper tmr.
next week mon wed n thurs.

haven read up my anat. considering i got bad memories.. hmm. i think need to memorise alot for the essay topics.

haven read up my physio. which if not for the essay i would have failed badly. i know nuts abt physio. n i dont even know how to prepare for the paper hmm. maybe read martini.

n not to say of cuz i haven touched my psyc n socio. haha i learnt abt the headless chicken also =) but anw. ya i think for both papers im just gonna read up the day b4. hope mcq as easy as ICA. hmm.

WAKE UP GIRL. ur paper starts in less than 24 hrs n all u have done was PACK your notes. how helpful. hmm wonder how im going to study anat psyc n physio during the weekend.

dont ask me what im doing. i also dunno. haha. i think im just wasting time whole day long. n planning for after my papers. n having terrible headache which i haven find out the cause. suspect sth to do with my sinus. haha. maybe after studying physio i might know~

its hard to change. all my years i dont really study till the last min. but nv SO last min. blehx

sucks

oh n its the time when its hard to shop for clothes again. i just dunno why. super sian. im growing real bored of my cupboard. yet all i can find was merely a jersey n a formal looking 3 quarts. tell me where to shop for clothes........

8 days to freedom. can u just get down to studying -wonder-

girl, you gotta have attitude
7:17:00 PM

Sunday, August 13, 2006

oh there comes the good guy. haha. ok im convinced there are gd guys in my life. thanks for the reminder~

girl, you gotta have attitude
9:22:00 PM

its either i get guys who treat me like trash.

or i get msges from guys from frenster who are old. bet those nobody wants kind..

irritating me to the core.

sucks. why cant i have better guys ard me. other than those who can only be brothers. arghx

---------------------

why i wanna go for car incentive n wanna make more money.

why do i get a driving licience. to frame up nicely at home. to keep in my wallet so that when pple look at it they will go "wah u got licience ar"

i hate it when pple treat me like trash. just because i dont have my own car. "dont go n drive other pple's car hor i tell u" "i know what u want dont ask me go n ask daddy" "we go overseas u dont drive the car hor" i've had enuff. being treated like what? i dont care what reasons u have whatsoever. its the attitude!

u think i wanna be so materialistic? i dont. its just being realistic. its just not wanting to be looked down.

u are seeing someone with licience having no car. while i see someone with the ability to come out with his own car yet no licience. n we arent talking abt ASK. hard-earned car.

why i want more money. to have spending power. to go out shopping n just buy whatever i want. to go out n eat with pple n not be worried abt wad to eat. n most of all so that i dont owe pple anythg.

what is so wrong for being so strong-willed n want to make my dreams become reality. at least i work hard for what i want. better than those who dont even know what they want to do in the future. dont even know how they can let themselves n their loved ones have better life.

why a girl have to work so hard. simple reason.. nan ren shi kao bu zhu de.

time will tell..

---------------------

what the majority is doing doesnt mean it is right. doesnt mean thats the best way out.

u have to be the minority to stand out.

ironically the most proven method to success is only used by 5% in the world.

that explains why most are average or below average.

95% will nv understand

brothers n sisters will be there to fall back on.

sometimes i just wish i can run away from where i am for just 1 year..

but the environment is what that can really make me grow

e.n.d.u.r.e.

girl, you gotta have attitude
7:49:00 PM

Saturday, August 12, 2006

boredom

took a day to stay at home yet the thought of studying puts me off.

realise i haven been studying for really long time

just dont feel like doing anythg related to sch..

girl, you gotta have attitude
4:00:00 PM

Thursday, August 10, 2006

yest i went to skate again! haha. btw any diff betw skate n blade? hmm..

its the 3rd time im on skates. at least im moving faster now! haha. really skating liao loh. hopefully can go ice-skate on sat/one day. *ai wu ji wu*

having real terrible headache once i woke up. sianed. maybe its the punishment for going out to play ytd when i had fever in the morn. 1st time hitting 39deg. other than my pneumonia times. kinda scary how i can hit such a high temp. confirm my homeostasis mechanism spoil. cuz i was slping w/o aircon n all covered with blanket except my face n dont even have a bit of perspiration.

seriously im just not studying. too bad

breakthru limitations! after learning how to skate. maybe shld learn bicycle liao loh..

anyway val.. i dunno how to cycle haha. or rather i dont dare~ bad experience.

2 weeks later maybe can learn wakeboarding. love my life manx. always learning new thgs. muahahahaa.

but i just hate learning in sch -shrugs- oh well haha

girl, you gotta have attitude
3:19:00 PM

Monday, August 07, 2006

ok i must blog b4 i forget

well haven been slping much these days. ok pls nag at me haha. last week talk alot n hafta study anat so didnt slp well. n until friday then i realise i will be caught up with the inline skating event. ya so not onli did i not catch up on my slp. i slpt less than b4! freak. im having bad headache n super short attn span 2dae.

sunday was great! haha. alot of 1st times!! lol. n alot of growth in me.

breaking thru limitations. dare to try thgs that i nv tried. have the courage to do thgs that i dont even know how to do

ok 1st i saw pple skating ard n i really want to be on skates. n realise the only time i've been on skates was during pe. i think was like only for 4 hrs.. n like 1 yr ago?? ya. n i gan gan go n share with my fren to rent skate lol. n i gan gan wear n go off alone. n ya.. kena suan with a rap.. goes sth like "look at the girl, is she walking or is she skating... i think shes walking" freak la. i was literally trying to walk ard in the skates cuz the ground wasnt flat n u may trip over the cables underneath. but after some self motivation i picked up the courage to move.. n proceed to the road later on n really can move le. haha. if not i think ah ma can walk faster than i skate.

n after the event. all tired n looking forward to go home slp.. realise i hafta attach appt. so it was my 1st time. really must breakthru limitations. imagine 1 im super tired. 2 i nv attach appt before. 3 im in polo tee n RUNNING SHORTS!!! 4. its in chinese! i've nv learn/done an all chinese pp b4! but well.. after much assurance i gan gan go already loh.

turn out that appt was fantastic! damn lucky. haha. ny trained us as effective bilingual. (and i took translation elective b4 lol) but u know when u dont practise for 2+ yrs its all gone. thats language. but ok lah i onli cockup a little. n ask for assistance for some words that just slip my mind =p but i guess uncle understands lol. since im so fun loving.

oh n its also 1st appt sitting on the FLOOR. haha. when pple dont have sofa surrounding coffee table n dining table also not appropriate.

yes n after appt. the greatest excitement for the day. his son kindly offered to fetch me cuz the bus refused to come n i waited so long until he came out already. n guess wad. its my 1st time on motorbike! not wanting to reject the offer since pple yi fan hao yi, i entrusted my life to someone i know for less than 3 hrs. manx. jieru is so yong gan.. haha. its like riding on freaking fast bicycle lah. so i just closed my eyes n kept praying (rmb i was wearing shorts.. imagine my entire legs were just "bare". nothing surrounding u!) n the helmet couldnt be adjusted so i hafta hold on to the helmet with 1 hand n try not to grab his shoulder too tightly on the other. with only my butt in contact with anythg. damn scary loh!! best still i open my eyes already look to the right. hes going faster than the CAR on the extreme right lane..........

haha but i reached the bus stop safe n sound. didnt dare to let him send me back home lol.

so yest was a really great day. damn hyper after the appt!

summary of 1st times:
- 1st time attach appt
- 1st time doing all chinese pp
- 1st time going appt in shorts
- 1st time sitting on floor for pp
- 1st time riding on bike

n yes it comes 2dae. i knew it. yesterday everythg so nice so damn lucky. 2dae 1st thing in the morn when i almost reach my destination the sky becomes v dark. when i alight it STARTED to drizzle. n b4 i reach the last traffic junction that i hafta go w/o shelter. it started to pour really heavily. ya so i had to stay at lao pa sat.

when i was abt to leave for rp, someone i know walked past with an umbrella. being too far away n since jieru dont feel that comfy asking for a favour, i braved the rain to rp. nvm lah slightly less heavy le. yes forget to mention i just sent my blazer for dry clean n 2dae 1st day wear jiu kena rain. ok so 5 min after i reached rp, the guy with umbrella came back. "why u nv wait for me" haha. so my rxn was "huh i dunno u coming back" "i will come back de mah".......... like how i know =x so ya dont assume. pls open ur golden mouth n ASK

ya n i ended up in a very heated argument not long ago. n as usual. after i quarrel n get damn pissed off i will suddenly reach my saturation pt n start crying. so jieru dont cry when she lose to the person shes quarrelling with. she cries when she feels damn hopeless after quarrelling so hard n nth gets into the person. haha jk.

life is fair. 1 day u are damn lucky n super happy. 1 day everythg will screw up. i think its subconscious mind. cuz start of the day cock up le. tho i tell myself not to feel that way. but i think the initial fear that the day is gonna be bad was still there. or issit just 6th sense? haha

girl, you gotta have attitude
9:26:00 PM

Thursday, August 03, 2006

girlfrens are still better haha

seriously im still not studying when anat prac is less than 2 days away. siao liao

love ya gal! theres just sth betw us muahahahhaaa

seems like u are the only one i can talk to these days

=)

i really dont believe a guy n a girl can simply be good frens. my dream smashed for at least 3 times le. how to have faith again.....

happy sweet lovey frenship evolving into a short term r'ship.. n nth ever gets back as nice as ever. blehx

learn to enjoy singlehood

girl, you gotta have attitude
12:05:00 AM

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

u gave me one thing

u took away another

it feels like a huge joke on me

happy one moment

crying the next moment

must i go thru this


------------------------------

bad.. jieru is going back to multiple entries a day.. nooooo.. tts not the way. talking to a freaking blog. sth is very wrong with her. even she doesnt know how to help herself. shes just not studying. yes. no use deceiving pple ard her. cuz she herself know nth is ever gonna get into her. n shes got this important anatomy prac test this friday which she doesnt wanna flunk. n freaking shs test which shes always been ponning or not listening during the lect. fantastic

if only it was simply pms

girl, you gotta have attitude
11:11:00 PM

心里的痛, 有谁知道...






哭了

累了

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:59:00 PM

歌曲：你那么爱她
歌手：李圣杰&林隆璇
专辑：关于你的歌
---------------------------
直到爱消失你才懂得
去珍惜身边每个
美好风景
只是她早已离去
直到你想通她早已经
不再对你留恋
最后的你
开始了一段挣扎

你那么爱她
为甚么不把她留下
为甚么不说心里话
你深爱她
这是每个人都知道啊

你那么爱她
为甚么不把她留下
是不是你有深爱的
两个她
所以你不想再让自己
无法自拔

i want the song! haha

girl, you gotta have attitude
8:18:00 PM

list of 04S12 link is growing! haha. still short of pple tho =x

girl, you gotta have attitude
4:57:00 PM

staying back in sch with classmate to complete our share of helping the class to better study our dumb SHS test..

1st she was blogging n i was doing

now im blogging n shes doing.. haha

anw. i decide to surf blogs n the most interesting was to surf ht's past entries. i was practically trying to look out for my name along the way haha. gotta admit i teared at times. some thgs u said were really true. seriously its either we choose to take a step closer or we may not even get back in contact b4 we step into the coffin. still glad that u still rmb those great times we share tog. can see flashback of those times in my mind..1 thg i really miss is walking ard sch hand in hand, jumping/hopping ard! cuz i guess thats the last time in my life that i can do such a thing. haha. i doubt pple in the right mind will do such thgs in poly/uni. and i nv know u got secretly bio me when i doing thgs one haha!




guess its not ur fault for saying those things last nite.. everythg's changed

girl, you gotta have attitude
4:27:00 PM

毁坏的沙雕如何重来 有裂痕的爱怎麼重改

well everythg will be fine =) i'll move on!

some things u will nv forget. some feelings will always be there.

girl, you gotta have attitude
4:08:00 PM

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