Born into attitude
Asleep at the wheel
Throw all your bullets in the fire
And run like hell
What is the fever?
What ever happened to sweat?

Sunday, November 30, 2003

been so long since i wrote anythg.. been sick past few days n not really doing thgs.. now still not fully recovered.. sian.. mummy so pissed with me again.. sadz.. woke up in the morn suddenly she says she's going out.. cant help me set up the sewing machine.. haix.. wanted to make sth by 2dae.. think gotta do everythg by hand.. got scolded by her again.. think like wad daddy says.. she lose her temper v easily n i gotta give in.. but as her daugther.. i haf her genes n cant control my temper v well also.. was so upset just now.. she just dump me money den ask me to settle my lunch n dinner myself.. sian.. yest they just left me alone.. n 2dae also.. just wish i can stay in uk now... n the lousy agency haven get back to us.. that day we went there to complain n chao since there's nth much we can do on the fone.. hope they would get thgs done.. i'm like flying off in a week n they haven even confirm when i'm coming back.. aniwae many pple noe that it's not a gd agency.. too bad we didnt noe it in the 1st place..

haix... the 1st 1/2 hr of my day is so horrid.. n now i'm all alone in the hse.. hope the rest of the day will b fine.. think now i just hafta do wadeva i feel like to make myself feel beta..

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:00:00 AM

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

i am going to write abt happier thgs 2dae!!

hmmz.. it just feel like i haven been writing in my blog for quite long.. was at my cousin's hse.. hahahaz.. this time another cousin le.. stayed over.. n i'm back 2dae.. think i'm falling sick.. quite worried abt it cuz i don think it's gd to travel when i'm not feeling well.. so gotta quickly recover.. n the worse thg is that i cant take liang2 kinda stuff that's supposed to make me feel beta.. all bcos of that thg again.. aiya.. but not really that upset over it.. think i'm feeling better 2dae..

though thgs doesnt seem gd.. cuz of some misunderstanding.. just got the feeling it will be okie de.. i'm a strong girl.. wahahahahaha.. aiya.. now that i noe more abt psychologist.. bit like dowan to get into the field le.. it's really sooooo tough.. but on the other hand wanna take up the challenge.. also dunno.. one of the impt stuff is to haf support from the pple ard u.. so hopefully by J2 i'll have my ahem there to support me.. n the whole way down must be smooth sia.. else i will become like those patients.. to think of it.. maybe now all the stuff i'm going thru is the great challenge i hafta go thru.. so that in the future my r'ship will turn out well.. hope so lah..

oh btw, i'm rejected by hc.. but i'm feeling gd abt it.. hmmz.. maybe it's cuz i begin to dislike this person from hc.. she wans me to go hc.. but wad has it got to do with her.. so wadz the big deal if she can get in.. if i don go hc den wont haf the chance to see her.. gd for me also.. i just lost interest in the sch.. so i'm happily putting SA! hope i can go in.. so that i don hafta go boring AJ.. n hope suz can get in sa also.. noe she wanna go there loh.. n hope i can still b with her.. since we've been so close.. my teammate + classmate sia.. think of the times we go in n out of class tog.. always accompany each other.. talk abt stuff.. look at mag.. aniwae.. another thg i'm happy abt not getting into hc.. i don hafta join track! oei.. not that i don like track lah.. (ny track rox!) budden i really super slack le loh.. don wish to train animore.. lolx.. just wanna b there to support u guys during comp n stuff.. heex.. paiseh arh.. really cannot make it lah.. n i believe SA interact club is better den HC's.. aiyo.. so pro SA hor??

still feel like joining dance.. SA dance seems sooooo zai.. quite stress.. hmmz.. see how loh.. got a feeling if i get in SA for 1st 3 mths i will stay there loh.. mummy say wad jc i go not impt.. but i noe she wans me to go hc.. i wanna do wad i wan loh.. think she'll understand de.. that time wanted to go hc cuz of teammates.. den she was like so happy.. aiya.. am i veri flickle minded?? all along i wanted SA.. den cuz of teammates.. begin to chg my mind.. guess it's cuz i'm quite attached to them.. track camp on 2 dec.. that's like 1 week later onli.. think we'll haf lotsa fun on that day.. but it's onli 1 day!! well.. guess we just hafta cherish the times we spend tog..

better go rest.. tmr i wanna go for the netball stuff with my teammates.. wanna see the ny all stars team play.. lolx.. the most i be cheerleader loh.. that's wad me n brother always do.. yeah.. n brother bot me this earrings that she said is v cute.. trust her taste.. n we'll wear it on track camp to show pple that we're brothers! heehee.. quite fun lah.. ya.. n i'll get another b-dae pressie on track camp i think.. pooh stuff again.. lolx.. those pple who claimed that they bot my bdae pressie b4 my bdae haven give me yet.. hahahaha.. n i got a feeling alfie got some pooh related stuff since she said i will like it a lot.. aiya.. actually bdae pressie is not that impt.. i'm just in the talk rubbish mode cuz i'm sick!! k lah.. i go shui jiao le.. nite nite~

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:24:00 PM

Sunday, November 23, 2003

wad is happening.. thgz are not going on right.. it's getting worse.. i was okie yest.. straighten out my thoughts.. went out with frens.. i woke up 2dae n the nightmare started.. got scolded by mummy.. cuz of some stoopid thg that happened when i slpt.. din even do it on purpose.. she was so pissed off.. and i was just so depressed..

talked to him on the fone.. as though thgz are okie.. it felt gd.. with all the crap n i just felt gd the way he talked.. i just wish i could spend some time with him..

suddenly felt so weak.. having headache again.. think cuz of the stoopid thg again.. haix.. n i hafta pack my room.. really felt so sick but i hafta do it.. just feel so caught up in this small room.. felt that i just haf no life...

frens? y do i feel that i cant get along with those pple who were once so close to me? n i feel so distant from them.. i'm just so tired.. trying to get thgs right.. thgs just seems to be getting worse each day.. y does it seem that i always add burden n stress to someone who is already so stressed with work.. y does it seem like i cant get along with pple well..

i just dunno wad to say.. wad to do now.. i've lost my direction.. lost my life.. lost my self...

girl, you gotta have attitude
3:38:00 PM

Friday, November 21, 2003

mingyue n kiaying dedicated a song to 4/7 2nite.. so nice.. aniwae i was 1st on the list.. n someone is out of the list.. hmm.. k i shall not b mean.. tried to record in hp.. stoopid hp!! arghz.. after the recording it tells me run out of memory.. n the recording was gone!! lousy pok.. cant b trusted loh tt spas thg.. shld haf used my 8310... moral of the story: try sth b4 hand if u're using it for sth impt..

but nvm.. it was nice n my mood is still quite gd.. btw, some pple out there stop being so mean to me!

girl, you gotta have attitude
9:59:00 PM

hey.. this is wad i saw on friendster.. someone wrote this n post on bulletin..

Life is short... treasure every single thing you have in life...it may be possessions or intangibles (eg. relationships)...don't wait till u lose them then you start to regret....if you have a partner now...treasure him/her...show care and concern ...communicate more to avoid misunderstandings....try to understand and compromise with your partner...you must know that to find someone who loves you and you loving that person equally is really not that easy ;)....treasure the faith that both of you share...for those who are still single...well..it's ok ...if you find someone you like..go for it ....even if you've failed...at least you've tried...if that person doesn't accept you ....it's his /her lost as they don't know how to treasure your feelings ...u will definitely find a better person who will treasure and cherish you ;)

i'll be holding on tight to my relationship~

girl, you gotta have attitude
9:26:00 PM

wow.. i haf sooo much to say.. haven been updating my blog cuz i kept going down to my cousin's hse.. making full use of my ez-link.. been travelling ard s'pore these days.. esp keep going down jurong.. here n there n everywhere.. since it's after exams!!

hmmz.. just came back not long.. seems like i haven been at home for quite some time.. yeah! n i got my specs on! someone out there is just saying abt uncomfy specs n hoping to get contacts n i'm like exact opp.. hahaz.. aniwae it's cuz i haven seen my specs for quite some time.. wear cons.. den at nite take out le i'm like blind.. was trying to type sth on the com n i realise i cannot see!! so sad loh.. din noe it's that bad.. n i had to slp with cons just now cuz 'restaurant' doesnt haf contacts case..

hmmz.. the restaurant thg is quite spas.. cuz my cousin n my aunt lives in the same block.. 9th n 10th floor.. corner hse which is beside the stairs.. so it's as gd as a 2 storey hse with a door to the stairs? so 9 floor in chi sounds like restaurant.. n my aunt started asking me if i'm at the restaurant...

had super bad cramps 2dae.. i almost died.. we were supposed to accompany my cousin to checkup n take care of her.. n who noes.. i was far worse den her.. almost fainted along the way.. blackout again! n it was longer this time.. was sitting along the corridor leading to restaurant.. so freaked out.. learnt my lesson.. ard this time must rest well.. n not cry also.. haix.. not enuff rest n lost of water.. maybe thats y i was like so weak.. sian!

long compo.. lolx.. ya loh.. think i haven exercise for a long long long time also.. but now gotta help mummy do hsework.. sort of exercise also.. so lazy now.. don even feel like going for trg that day.. sadz.. don feel like appealing to hc lehz.. lazy to train for track le.. chamz.. also dunno how.. gonna make the choice soon.. maybe leave it to fate.. sounds weird.. ya loh.. if i'm fated to go hc.. they will accept my appeal.. if kena rejected den go SA loh! hahahaz.. this was wad happen when i had to make the choice 2 yrs ago.. com 1 or com 2... put the better one 1st.. den leave it to fate.. n it's always the better choice! com 2 rox.. hahaz.. spas

yep.. i sound much better 2dae rite? last nite at my cousin's place.. was at 10th floor.. had a gd talk with godsis.. nv felt that she understands me so well.. hahahaz.. i'm supposedly photocopied from her.. cuz my dad wanted a daughter.. 1st child.. my bro obviously was a son.. den after sooo many yrs.. 8 yrs.. they thot they wont get another child le.. so someone taught them to like go n gan1 a daughter.. will being a meimei wan.. n so quickly there was me! hehe.. so shen qi rite.. somemore me n godsis like so similar in some ways.. so farni.. when i was born she was so jealous of me.. refuse to go hospital to visit me.. boooo!

feeling much beta now.. talked to me abt relationship stuff.. learnt quite some stuff n understood some stuff.. think working is so tiring n tough.. no wonder pple always say studying is better than working.. yep.. n btw, being pregnant is so tough also.. noe how easy it is to get miscarriage? if the mother gets a fright.. the baby might just get detached or sth.. and cant get the nutrients.. k lah.. it came from my mum so it doesnt sound scientific.. but guess it's true since there's like life example to prove it.. but how can u make sure u wont get a fright.. so that's like depends on fate also.. whether it's urs or not..

hahz.. i got sooo much to say.. lalaala.. so much abt fate 2dae.. are u guys bored reading wad i wrote? lolx.. k lah.. i shall stop here.. i just feel that this knot in me is opened up.. but hafta wait for confirmation.. feeling more relaxed now.. haf been having sick pms and thinking too much again.. n nobody go out with me.. so have been feeling so down.. and sensitive abt little thgz.. just got so much to day.. if u guyz are free come chat with me k! take care~

girl, you gotta have attitude
8:59:00 PM

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

i'm tired.. i'm tired of typing sad entries.. i'm tired of thinking abt sad stuff.. i'm tired abt facing the world i'm in..
i'm waiting for the better days to come..

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:20:00 PM

it's the end of o's.. waiting for this day for so long.. but wad it turned out to be was not wad i wanted.. was so upset 2dae.. thgz haven get better.. woke up in the morn.. realising that i've lost sth that meant a lot to me.. feeling so worried n insecure.. it's all in a mess in me..

seeing someone i miss so much right in front of me.. n not having the courage to do sth.. left w/o a word.. holding back the tears in me.. it's so near yet so far.. someone tell me wadz happening.. y is this happening..

i dunno how strong can i be.. i'm beginning to lose hold of myself.. i really dunno wad to do..

really miss him...

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:08:00 PM

Monday, November 17, 2003

1 more paper to go~ the day is gonna come soon...

hope everythg will turn out right for the pple ard me.. i noe thgz will turn out right de.. thgz must turn out right.. i don wish to see pple so close to me feeling so down.. sometimes feel so helpless i cant cheer pple up.. guess all i can do is to be there to accompany them.. praying very hard for them.. that thgz will turn out right..

still waiting for the day.. when i'll receive the call.. and hear the good news.. everythg is fine..

i noe the day will come!

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:07:00 PM

Sunday, November 16, 2003

having mixed feeling this whole night.. felt really hurt n upset.. felt so lost.. felt so blessed and xingfu.. i've cried, i've smiled.. think love is just so magical..

sms is such a bad communicating device.. caused misunderstanding.. girl's mood swing is bad too.. i was so pissed n w/o much thinking i said sth that's so hurtful.. aniwae.. talking thgz out is the best.. yep.. settled some stuff on the fone just now.. think it's much better having those stuff settled.. noe it's better for him also.. so i'm like semi-single now? think it's quite a chim thg.. but think it's the best thg for now.. actually now i'm feeling happy rather than sad.. i'm glad that i met such a wonderful guy.. just now i really cant help it n tears just flowed out so quickly b4 i could react.. just felt that he's so thoughtful.. was quite touched by wad he said.. but was so sad abt some stuff also.. aniwae now i'm feeling much beta.. we had a gd talk.. noe he was really veri tired but at least he settled the stuff.. really hope everythg will turn out well for him.. noe he can settle the rest of his stuff.. he'll be able to do it no matter how hard izzit.. n ultimately.. it will turn out to b the 'good one'

hmmz.. think pple reading this doesnt noe wad i'm talking since i'm writing like bits n pieces here n there.. aniwae just wanna let my frenz noe that no matter wadz ur impression of him.. he's a gd guy.. thoughtful n responsible in some sense.. at least he doesnt leave stuff dangling or drag on n on endlessly.. yep.. i'll be praying that thgz will go on well for him.. n for us.. really wan him to be happy n feel much better.. hope fate will be on our side~

-xing fu de xiao hai-

girl, you gotta have attitude
12:11:00 AM

Friday, November 14, 2003

You're imaginative, fun-loving, trill-seeking and expressive. You're so charming that you attract many friends and you're almost never lacking guys/gals. In your earlier years, you maybe totally shy and self-conscious, but you'll lose those qualities in the high-school years. You can be sort of vain or even a bit of a show-off when you get caught up in exciting events in your life, but you usually redeem yourself in some playful way before you lose a friend. Jealousy shows its ugly head sometimes, but generally you aren't affected by it unless your guy tries to provoke it. In the guy department, you refer the athletic or artistic types. You're in absolute heaven when you find both of those qualities in the same guy. When you're looking for love, a guy who can make you laugh scores points, big time!

did this love attitude analysis thg.. thot it's quite true.. the part abt guy is quite true at least.. lolx.. really miss the times we had tog.. just spending the day tog.. the way he smiles n he laughs.. really feel that being with him is such a wonderful thg..

feel so bad.. think i haven been treating him well lately.. wasnt feeling good abt stuff.. guess i was just making thgz worse.. really hope he'll understand and forgive me..

finally o's seems to be ending.. weekend.. n 2 more papers to go! feeling much better after each day.. i'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel~

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:22:00 PM

Thursday, November 13, 2003

yeah.. it's gonna be friday soon~ felt better after finishing bio.. came home to slp.. so shuang.. so long nv take afternoon nap le.. haven really study chem.. but think i'm rather awake le.. hahahaz.. since i slpt like near 4 hrs.. i think*

veri soon i will finish chem.. n i'll be left with 2 papers!! gotta study my geog well for monday.. so happy it's an afternoon paper.. i can slp till tai yang sai pi gu! n 18 i'll have my a maths paper till 10.. n i'm freed! after that sure go out wan.. just that i haven plan where to go.. aniwae at nite hafta attend this wadeva crap thg at pple's park.. i still dunno where's liang court.. hahahaz.. i rmb passing by the building but nv been there b4.. cant really rmb that well since dory's memory is so limited n used to memorise all the facts.. n the facts onli last till end of the paper.. lolx.. as long as i rmb my chem stuff for tmr can le loh.. hahahaz.. hope they don come up with some farni qn again.. really wan my 3 sciences n 2 maths to turn out well..

initially trackers wanted to go hc tog.. appeal tog.. but well.. it's better if we get in on our own.. who noes how the appeal will turn out to be.. n we're fighting with sng again.. but now with a place in hc.. sian.. actually wanted to go SA since it's like more happening.. but teammates wanna go hc.. n hc makes me feel so at home.. so decide to go there.. n since it's a better sch academic wise.. aiya.. bu zi dao also.. don care so much now.. i wan my A1 for chem! cannot dui bu qi miss tan.. haix.. noe she's expecting an A1 from me loh.. prelims din get it was soooo sad.. i must make it tmr! think i bit siao le.. hmmz..

so long entry 2dae.. lalaala.. think i got a lot to say 2dae.. nv go out n crap with frenz feel so uneasy.. lolx.. how's everyone doing? think wad i can do is to spend more time with all my frenz after o's.. since everyone is busy with their stuff now.. think now i'm always spending time with the same pple.. hahahaz.. the slackers n the slacker's fren.. n we're just slacking away.. hmm.. after o's can slack all we want!

wahahahahz.. sth interesting to end my entry : wad is the oxide of hydrogen?? shall tell u tmr! heehee.. sms me the ans if u wan.. but correct ans doesnt earn u any prize.. but afterall.. it's a new knowledge gain! *crap*

girl, you gotta have attitude
9:53:00 PM

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

lost all my sms in inbox.. so upset.. haix.. y all my entry sounds so saddening.. lotsa sad stuff happening.. aniwae the sms thg happened yest.. lost all the sweetest sms.. all the gd luck sms for exams.. all the bdae wishes.. all the sms that meant a lot to me..

think exam period is a saddening time.. haix.. n i'm so sick n tired of it.. 4 more papers to go.. hope to do well for bio tmr.. don feel veri prepared.. just feeling so tired..

girl, you gotta have attitude
8:26:00 PM

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

4 more papers to go.. but it just seems so long b4 i'm freed from this mental torture.. dunno y i dreaded this o's this much.. seems like it's never ending.. thgz just seem so stagnant.. cant do the thgz i wan.. think i really gotta get past this stage..

yep.. everythg will b fine after o's.. n i shall enjoy the 19 days to the fullest.. y does it feel so cold 2dae.. it's no longer raining.. i'm no longer in the freezing amk library..

guess i'm feeling cold from the inside..

hope my next entry will b a happy one~

girl, you gotta have attitude
10:19:00 PM

Monday, November 10, 2003

hey pple.. if u all noe how to get skins n wadeva to make this page nicer help me kz.. n how to set up the chatbox thg.. heex

girl, you gotta have attitude
8:56:00 PM

finally get my blog le.. there's some error with my 1st posting.. so sad.. actually i shldnt b feeling so sad 2dae.. really hope o's can end quickly.. so sick of it.. cant go out n haf fun.. 2dae seems so diff from other years.. everyone is busy with o's.. seems like onli those really close frenz n relatives rmb.. aniwae.. o's is like such a boring thg.. pls don complain abt papers that are over.. no pt being so upset over it.. u cant do anythg abt it.. so stop talking abt it n study hard for next paper k?

y does it seems so saddening 2dae.. korkor called just now.. was so sweet but quite sad cuz he seems so faraway.. really miss him.. yep.. n i miss -him- too... everybody seems so busy.. cant wait for the week to past..

yep.. don make everythg sounds so sad lidat.. aniwae.. just wanna announce.. peilee was soooo nice 2dae.. k lah she's nice everyday.. hahahaz.. thanks gal.. muacks! u made my day..

happy birthday to me!

girl, you gotta have attitude
8:39:00 PM

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